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Forward On!!!

I have only begun just now or maybe a few lifetimes, a thousand or so ago. I have just planted my first steps on this journey. This commitment. This realization and discipline. My goal is not clear and my methods are constantly changing. But forward on!!! I go on. Now in this life. Expressing, Exploring and realizing Myself. For what I am. The torrents of pain and the swoons of happiness are clouds in the eternal sky. These storms will pass and be replaced – over and over. And I will march on through them. Through the fear, the loneliness and the despair. Forward on! Through this life into death and whatever comes next. I have only begun just now. Purifying, refining, perfecting as I go healing, learning and reflecting. Chasing that unknown and unknowable. Crossing the mountains is a small step in bridging the cosmos. And that a trivial affair with transcendent ascension required to gain vision of the finer details hidden in our own heart. How many brothers and sister do I have – all of them! Along this unfolding epic drama I claim my family. Kindred and allied souls follow your hearts to next we meet again in this spanning symphony of stars and life. Between these moments of realization, in it and in the beating of our hearts and the thirst for something more, lies our hidden secret. It is all sacred. Forward on!!!

I am not a Self-Made Man

I am not a self made man. No one is a self made individual that I am aware of. Our lives and all that we receive are dependent on an interdependent relationship with self, others and environment. Some are more materially fortunate than others. I am not among the rich (in those terms). But let me tell you of some of the treasures I do have that were simply given to me. I could not have and do not claim to have earned them:

My physical body – For this I am thankful to my ancestors. All those who came before me to make my life possible. The stars that were sacrificed to form the dust from which my body is composed. My parents who came together to make it happen. The failing of an IUD – I would not be here otherwise.

My amazing constitution – I would surely be long gone by now were it not for this

My intelligence – Was granted me not earned. Then tended to by the generous support of others to develop into what it is now.

My health – that I am as healthy as I am despite my own attempts to sabotage this at nearly every turn.

My good looks – runs in the family :)

The Food I eat – For this I am thankful to the living entities who’s lives were sacrificed for my own. To the many hands that labor in the food industry. For all of those who have shared when I was in need. I have never had to go long without eating as may be apparent by waistline. This simple thing that some do not have – I could not have earned. We should never say that we have earned this simple thing when others do not enjoy the same. I do not consider myself more valuable than any child who is hungry. The abundance that I enjoy – I can only say I am grateful for. I am ashamed that I enjoy it while others do not.

The Love that has been given to me and the compassion I have received. There are no words for this. But it is and continues to be a gift that I could not earn in a thousand lifetimes.

My Family – I lucked out, simple as that. I didn’t pick them but if I had to I would not change a thing.

My Friends (the family we have a choice in) – I love them all. Those who have remained with me though the good, the bad and the ugly. Those who could have walked away but did not. Those who have wished the best for me even though I do not deserve a fraction of it. Those who have overlooked my offenses and accepted me despite them. Those many kind souls that walk with me hand in hand through this life. I will see you on the other side one day. And to those who chose to walk – I respect the choice and wish you all the best either way. All those who have called themselves my friend at any point. Thank you for what you were able to give – I remember you all fondly. For those friends to come - I have no right to expect you but somehow I know you will be there.

My many teachers – I would be lost without you. That I am able to understand this at all is thanks to you. Whatever mountains I may climb – you are the ones who taught me how.

Friendly Strangers – it is no easy feat to be one of these for anyone – I am more difficult than most. I do not know all of your names. I do not remember all the acts of kindness shown to me. I am however grateful for all of it and could not be what I am today without it.
My Enemies – Sometimes these guys have become the best among my friends. Sometimes we remain opposed on issues that seem irresolvable and yet I have been shown respect, been given dignity and mercy. This is also love and compassion – I do not overlook it. You have been my teachers as well – some of the most valuable lessons I have learned have come from you. Thank you for the opportunity. I pray for you also.


Every bit of Love and compassion that I have ever shown this world and those in it – it was first shown to me. I hope to remember this always and remain grateful.


Shelter/Environment – When we explore how unlikely life is in the first place, there is a long list of beings responsible for the roof over are heads and an environment in which to live and thrive.

Reality itself seems to be benevolent and not hostile.

The universe and the sun in particular – provide the possibility for life.

Our dear Mother Earth – So abused, still giving us everything we need.

Trees and other living organisms that support and maintain the very Air we breath.

The Oceans – We would not have life or a proper atmosphere without them. I am thankful to all the living organisms that we depend on for all this to happen.

The labor and charity of others – how many of us could reproduce the technology to build even a simple home on our own? We depend on so many to contribute to the process of living in a home. Sometimes this is provided as a service – with a monetary price. Still we could not of our own means duplicate what is provided – it is a gift as well. Sometime it is simply given – the charity of others. I have to say I am grateful for all those who have helped. I do enjoy air conditioning and indoor pluming. Without proper housing I would most likely not be among the living. All those who contribute have saved my life. Thank you.


Wisdom – whatever wisdom I may possess was granted me by the sages, philosophers, saints and poets that I have encountered (sometimes only shadows in written word and echoes on the lips of others) and those immortals that came before.

Gratitude – I came into this world and insolent child. Demanding, arrogant and self-absorbed. I was taught gratitude and now it is the only coin with which I have to attempt to repay my incredible debt for all those wonderful things I have been given.

God – some people believe in God/Dess or gods and goddesses. I believe in everything that is real and a few things that may not be too. For me Divinity is a fact – argue how you may against it. Divinity resides within and without and sustains all things. The opportunities to be as we are has been provided. I thank God – the cause and maintainer of those opportunities. I have been provided many choices and been accompanied through it all. We are a stranger to everyone except This mysterious God – To this Spirit I am grateful for it all. And grateful to be known.

Formula for Love

There is no certain formula for the impulse to Love that I am aware of. It comes unexpected and often without an obvious reason. We do not generate it for others on our own by our own means.
If we could only see that life is also the love of reality giving us breath then through that interdependence we might learn to follow the impulse to reciprocate with all things that same Love. Like the light of the Sun available for all who step into it's rays. Then consenting to this love and following it's directives we are also in the continuous act of receiving it. This choice is provided for all. And no actions or evils on your part will ever exclude you from taking part in this beautiful dance. Only your own choices prevents this. And only by your own judgments do you stand apart from it.

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A prayer to destroy the enemy.


Oh Great Lord of All. Though I strive to do no harm. I see no escape. I pray for forgiveness for any offences that I make. You have placed an enemy in my path. The only way that I could ever take. Please do not let violence nor hatred grow in my heart. Save me from this anger. Save me from my pride. Lend me your wisdom, long enough to see – my enemy is just like me. Grant me the compassion to wish all well – may we return home. Please arm me with Truth and Knowledge – My devotion a shield. If it pleases you my God - then thy will be done. Have mercy on this poor afflicted soul , my enemy is truly a teacher and my dear friend.

Maybe we feel we have to puff ourselves up because we are so insignificantly small. I think we know it somehow inside but our pride fights back in the silliest ways. If we are to find our importance we will find it in humility and compassion. I am a no one, a nothing, a fool with only the knowledge that I am one and the hope to be of service to a greater cause than my own very insignificant ideas. One of the bigger secrets I have is the power and importance that I have found in this.

When Death Comes as a Friend

What a wonder this life
Dust from the stars
To bring forth a body
From the womb of the mother
Collected from bits of bread
And me watching on
In awe from these eyes
A spark and ember of light
From the greater fire
Burning so bright
We are so often blinded
To the cause
Caught in arguing
Wrong and right
Brothers and Sisters
In open arms unite
Dance in spirals
Love in our hearts
This is better
Than winning the fight
Look to the gift
And remember the giver
We will meet him at the end
When Death comes as a friend
Bringing the blessing
Of a portal to cross
Returning the body
To the Earth were it was found
And on to a greater love
One without loss

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Glimpsing a bit of the truth is difficult if you already think you know. Blinded by perception – this is bad enough. But then holding on to a view, an outdated concept of reality, we seek to interpret our experience and claim to know a truth. I cannot say what it is. But it is not as we think. The best minds are worse for the state we are in. So certain they can puzzle it out. The pieces are not what we think. As soon as you know something – discard it. For it is not true. Ignorance is you condition - even if you do not know it. All that we know is false. Believe in that. Trust in that. Feel that uncertainty creeping in. That fear. That is your instincts telling you the truth. You simply do not know. I do not know. Nobody knows. Stop asking questions about absolutes that we cannot discern and likely not understand. There is a power in ignorance and an opportunity. Take comfort in that. The ebb and flow of your experience will bring new discoveries. Discard false knowledge and be free of the lies. Look to the wonder and enjoy your ignorance in awe. I attempt to do so every day.

I'm back at it again...

I took a break from thinking for myself for a little while with a journey into ISKON. I like lot of things about them but they got a little culty on me so I ditched. Fact is 3 people I can name there in Gainsville along with another I can't recomended that I limit my time around family - avaoid them if possible. That was their honest opinion - I don't fault them individually for giving it. I did ask. But the responce I got from the temple president was terrible. He asked that I change my account of my reasons for leaving because the said that if I were to offend devotees I might risk losing spiritual advancement. I don't like the idea of someone manipulating the truth like this or my mind. This was bad judgement at best on his part. Not wanting to burn bridges with so many of the friends I made there - I'm at a loss of how to discuss this with them. But I'm back home in Tallahassee thankfully and thinking for myself again. I feel this is better for my spiritual advancement anyway.

Ignorance and Original Ideas

God created the very concept of science, reason and logic. We are only attempting to discover these things for ourselves and our society - definately not for the first time. Our ideas are not nearly as original as we think they are even if we have discovered them for the first time (for ourselves or our society). We are amatures at this and have not even begun to get it correct. A good scientist will start with questions not answers. We remain in the darkess of ignorance. Though few will admit to it - I take comfort in it.
Is this life and the world and everything so flawed - or is our imagination tiny our expectation short sighted and our perception limited? Because the eye of the artist often observes a beauty that his most harsh critics do not.

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